Radiation……

When I thought ‘Radiation’ I thought- quick, I thought- easy, I thought- cant be worse than chemo…..

I thought a lot of things and boy did I have NO idea what I was in for.

I was told it wouldn’t be that hard, 5 days of radiation lasting about 10 mins per day. Most of that time is spent lining up the 3 tattoos I got when I went in for my prep session. The actual radiation itself lasted 3-5 mins.

The machine gives you radiation from underneath you and then moves around your body and zaps you from the front. You would think something so minor would have the same minor implications.

Turns out I was pretty wrong about that!

What a rough ride its been.

After everything from a CT to a bone scan and then finally an MRI it turns out one of my tumors has crossed a muscle barrier and is now growing into the Psoas muscle. This muscle goes from your spine and wraps around down the lower abdomen on the right hand side near the hip bone. The muscle has nerves running through it and I was struggling with lower back and abdomen pain that meant I wasn’t able to do much besides increase the pain meds for a good couple of months.

While this was all being investigated my body settled down and I was back on a high riding my bike most days, getting to the gym and with spare energy to do the mundane tasks like have a tidy house and food in the fridge. I was feeling pretty good and was finally starting to feel like I was on top of things. For the first time since I had been first diagnosed.

When the MRI came back my oncologist suggested I was urgently referred to a radiation therapy oncologist to look at zapping the tumor in the hope that it would decrease in size and relieve some pressure and essentially pain from that area.

Because it is for palliative purposes they wanted to do it sooner, if the tumor was left the chances were in a couple of months it would have grown in size and radiation wouldn’t have the same impact on a larger tumor and would not be able to decrease the size of it enough to decrease the pain it was causing.

My radiation therapist was so optimistic. He seemed to think it would have little to no side effects and would just be a bit of a pain having to find a car park for the week but otherwise minimal fuss or impact would be had on my life. I asked if he would get it done given my position and he said he would.

I must admit I went into that appointment pretty amendment I would not be getting any more treatment but due to his easy breezy nature about the process I thought I would reap all the benefits and miss all the fallout.

Looking back I’m not sure if I should have stuck to my guns or not but it certainly has put me off anymore future treatment they might suggest.

The quality of my life for the last 3 and a bit weeks has SUCKED. I went for the biggest high and being able to do things again to the lowest low of suffering from major nausea, fatigue and high pain.

By the 3rd session I had hit a wall in a massive way. I went in sick as anything, barely able to walk from the hospital entrance down to radiation. I was really wondering why I was doing it and if stopping after 2 sessions would be best and just put the whole thing down to a bad idea.

But like we all seem to do, there was something that kept me going in even though it made me sick, even though I didn’t want too, even though I’m still not even sure it was worth it or the right thing to do.

I completed it.

As you do.

It was such a different experience from the hustle and bustle of nurses and patients in the chemo ward. Here you scanned a card, sat in a waiting room, had your named called out over a loud speaker, went and sat outside your treatment room, waited for the RT’s to take you in and make sure you were in line to the exact millimeter of the tattoos and then you’re left in the room for a few minutes before hopping off the machine and heading home.

The chemo day ward is full of people, nurses, doctors, patients, support people, more staff.

An incredibly stark contrast to radiation with its lack of people and high levels of technology and machinery. I think in regards to treatment radiation its a damn side more lonely than going through chemo.

Don’t get me wrong chemo is awful but there is a kind of united front, everyone there is doing it together and we are getting through it together. Radiation is a much more solitary experience without other patients or people around there was little comradery, you went in, did your thing and left.

Last week fatigue hit me hard and I was sleeping through the night and through the day. Showering had become an extremely tough task and was the most I was able to accomplish.

After seeing my palliative oncologist I had bloods done, my poor bodies inflammation markers were through the roof which explained the pain, tenderness, fatigue and general all round floppiness.

I’ve been put on a high dose of steroids to try and decrease all that inflammation that’s floating around. I’m starting to feel a bit better and hopefully in another couple of days I’ll be even better than that! I think if I’d known how it would have effected me I definitely would have stood firm and not done the treatment at all. I guess that’s a message to everyone, you know whats best for your body, people and experts can recommend things but do whats right for you, stick to your guns and your gut.

Take care,

Until next time

xoxo

Britt

Queenstown advendures….

When one of your bestest friends in the world says, ‘I’ve booked this hot pool place in Queenstown for November, do you want to go as like a mini hens night away?’, the only appropriate response is YES!

So on the 6th of November (with a couple of fingers crossed moments) we set off on our adventure.

The first speed bump, having our flight cancelled. This may have been cause for alarm but really all it meant was a chit chat session in the Koru lounge with a buffet breakfast and numerous cookies consumed. Like a cafe brunch but with the luxury of getting to go back time and time again for alllll the food! I really enjoyed it anyway (thank you Air New Zealand https://www.airnewzealand.co.nz/lounges, loved it so much).

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Before we knew it we were winging our way down south. Arriving to beautiful weather and a ford ranger wasnt so bad either!

Our AirBnb apartment was really nice and close to town. Dropped our gear off and headed to Onsen hot pools (https://www.onsen.co.nz/).

Wow, wow, wow, these are absolutely a hidden gem! Like literally you would have no idea they where there at all! The views were amazing. One of the most pretty places I have ever been to in New Zealand, and something everyone from here or not should add to their bucket list!

You have an hour from the time you go in until you have to leave. I think we spent a good part of that trying to get epic photos that did justice to the beauty and the views we had in front of us!

After relaxing in the pools we took our calm selves back to the apartment and just chilled before heading down to the town for a look around and some dinner.

Although I’ve been to Wanaka a number of times I’ve never actually properly had a look at Queenstown. It is such a pretty place and I can understand why it’s such a hot spot for tourists to NZ. Everywhere you look is just absolutely gorgeous and picture perfect.

After many more photos and looking around we found a bar with seats that looked out over the lake down the wharf for dinner. I think we provided entertainment for all around as we kept jumping up and down as the sunset, for the ‘gram of course!

A giant ice cream and walk home ended the day tired but so happy in our matching pjs!

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The next morning bright (Kirsty, not me!) and early (I slept through my alarm but was woken up with a smile and a cup of tea, thanks girl!) we got all our stuff together and headed out of Queenstown towards Glenorchy.

We stopped and went for a wee wonder at a place called Bobs Cove, so beautiful! Then headed back to the airport for another Koru lounge breakfast and heading home.

The biggest thanks Kirsty, everything just worked and it all fell so perfectly into place like it was all meant to be. Thank you for the trip away, the adventures, the chats and all the laughs. I just had the best 28hrs and cannot wait for more adventures with you to end the year!

I would definitely recommend Queenstown to anyone and would love to go back and explore more of all it has to offer!

Now for planning the next girls trip,

Until next time

xoxo

Britt

 

Getting engaged- Getting married!

Who would have thought?!

I’m getting MARRIED!!!!

On the 25th of July I picked up the boy from the airport and we headed to the ‘Green house’ at lake Bruner. This is one of the best and prettiest places I’ve ever been. Cameron’s family has a Bach there. We head over there on a regular basis to the quiet, to put the feet up and completely relax and escape reality.

We had decided to have a long weekend over there, with the snow on the mountains and the good weather to come it was a good weekend to venture over.

Friday the 26th dawned to frosts and a clear blue sky. After watching a movie and breakfast we decided to go for a walk. The ‘loop’ is to be walked anti-clockwise, always. Cameron headed off in the opposite direction which was weird in itself but I just had this feeling I should keep my mouth shut for once and follow along.

We chatted as we went, as we always do and walked to the end of the pier to get right next to the water with the snow capped mountains in the background………..

Before I knew what was happening he was on one knee and asking me to marry him!

Now it had been a running joke that I would say how nice a ring and getting engaged would be for him to see the cuff he had gotten me for my birthday was WAY cooler and all the girls with rings wished they had one of these bracelets instead of a ring.

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There was no way I had any idea he even wanted to get married to me, at least not for a good while yet.

Of course I said yes, after which the walk was completed (still in the wrong direction!).

How I always wanted to be engaged but I’m not sure I ever imaged actually getting married!

We thought February might be a good summer month and I thought it seemed far away enough that it didn’t seem to real, at least not for awhile anyway.

Cameron thought December might be good and then with all my health it was decided if I was going to definitely be able to walk down the aisle myself sooner rather than later would be a better option.

We visited one venue.

That’s right, just one. We looked at numerous online but as soon as we had gone out to see Harper’s Homestead ( https://www.harpershomestead.nz/ https://www.facebook.com/harpershomestead/ https://www.instagram.com/harpershomestead/ ) and met Marina and her husband Andrew there was no way we were going to have a wedding anywhere else.

People get engaged and plan their weddings years in advance, we don’t have the luxury of years and needed to pull something together in 5 months.

We have been working away at it ever since.

In September we had an engagement party where we invited everyone, as the wedding was going to be smaller we wanted to make sure we got to celebrate with as many people as possible.

The night went down so well and everyone seemed to have an awesome time celebrating with us which is all we really wanted.

Since then its just been getting together everything for the big day.

Marina has been an absolute god send! We are not only using her venue but she has helped us source everything from transport for guests to food, photographers and a wedding dress. Along with her ability to be our celebrant too.

I owe her more than I could ever thank her for. She has not only come to all the appointments with florists, caterers and photographers but has made herself available and been with me to all my wedding dress finding missions (which she organised!) to even driving down and being here on her weekend for my make up and hair trial.

She has become more than just a venue owner and someone who is helping us plan our big day but a friend and a confidant.

I’m not sure how I’ll go without the constant communication post wedding!

We are about 8 weeks out and almost everything has been organised and booked! I’m keeping most of what we are doing and having under wraps for now but post wedding I’ll make sure I do a blog with all the awesomeness of the day and all the people involved that made it possible.

In the mean time I’m going to put my feet up and await the big day!

So incredibly excited for the celebration, but to get to marry my best friend who I’m sharing all my bucket list items and adventures with is even better.

To you Cameron, for taking me on and marrying me anyway, despite the difficulties we face and the hard times still to come. You are my hero and an absolute superstar. I am one lucky girl.

Take care,

Until next time

xoxo

Britt

Grateful….

This is a blog-

It is to thank everyone that has done something for me in the last couple of years.

Cancer is not a journey I recommend and terminal cancer is another kettle of fish altogether but one thing it has shown me and has taught me is the kindness of humanity.

It has taught me the people that have stayed, the people that left and the people that came into my life and were happy to stay despite the circumstances. It has shown me that family is what you make it and the people that stick by you don’t have to be blood, but yet still treat you as if you are.

I have gotten to meet some amazing people and share my journey along the way. Hopefully in doing so it will help someone else not end up in my situation.

Awareness in young people and fit people and all the demographics that think they are invincible and cancer wont touch them to think again. To listen to their bodies and not to brush off something that may be important.

I hope it teaches people to treat their bodies and their health like gold and to take the best care of it.

When I was first diagnosed and going through treatment I did ‘Around the Bays’, the Herald did an article which helped me not only raise awareness but a lot of money for Bowel Cancer NZ (https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=12004226).

 

 

NZ cycling journal took an interest and I got to do a story with them and spread awareness to a whole new demographic (https://www.nzcyclingjournal.com/stories/brittchambers-nevertooyoung-part1).

 

 

I was lucky enough to take part in the ‘Never too Young’ campaign that Bowel Cancer NZ runs yearly now and raises awareness among young people. It also enabled information to be sent to GPs all over New Zealand to help educate them that this disease was not just an ‘old persons’ disease (https://bowelcancernz.org.nz/).

 

 

I met my other half. He stuck by me. His family welcomed me in with open arms and has helped me more than I can ever thank them enough for through everything. I moved to Christchurch. I made a home. I met friends who I couldn’t imagine my life without now.

 

 

Then I was re diagnosed.

I did the ‘Run to Remember’, the ‘City to Surf’, ‘Relay for Life’ and ‘St Claire’s’ half marathon all while on treatment. I got to represent Bowel Cancer NZ and raise more money for this amazing organisation which runs purely on donations and fundraising.

 

 

Stuff did an article about all the events I was doing while on treatment. I hope this helped motivate people to get out there and realize if I can do it they can do it too (https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/109989406/young-cyclist-dying-of-cancer-regrets-not-pushing-harder-for-diagnosis).

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Pure nutrition came on board and have helped me with electrolyte drinks and a special number they have specifically for nausea, diarrhoea and vomiting (https://puresportsnutrition.com/). This was a amazing and used ALOT during my second lot of treatment. Their protein powers have been used when I can’t eat anything else and have kept me going. This brand and the people behind it are just awesome.

 

Toot cycling kit, Belinda contacted me and we created a cycling kit together, the ‘Britt Kit’. This came with a launch ride which was ‘pay an entry’ to ride with all the money again going to BCNZ. This not only raised more money but I got to bring awareness to a whole new group of people (https://www.tootkit.com/products/britt-limited-edition-womens-bibs?variant=19885375553633 ; https://www.tootkit.com/products/britt-just-because-womens-pro-x-jersey?variant=19885388464225). Thank you to all the people who donated prizes for the give away we had for all the riders who ‘entered’ and donated to ride!

 

 

I got to ride a bike there, the owner of the bike, Mike Pryde from Chapter 2 GAVE ME HIS EPIC FRAME!!!!!! His company also help sort out all the bits and pieces for it and sent it all to CHCH (https://www.chapter2bikes.com/). I was contacted by a wheel company Negative Split Carbon and they have helped me out with the most awesome wheels, I am literally flying (https://www.nscarbon.com/).

 

Scotty Brown the bike shop down here put it altogether for me (https://scottybrowns.com/).

I now get to ride an epic new bike.

I got engaged (more on this in my next blog, coming soon!).

The Herald did another article, again raising awareness for BCNZ (https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=12267219).

 

 

We chose a venue, Marina from Harper’s Homestead has been incredible and I feel so grateful to have met her. The wedding is coming together nicely and we are nearly all done so we can sit back, kick our feet up and relax until the day (https://www.harpershomestead.nz/)!

As well as all the treatment and medication I take I get a weekly oncology massage to help manage the pain with Tess from Body Central Massage therapy. She is an absolute god send and helps me week in and week out (http://www.bodycentral.nz/). It’s a way to keep a body with terminal cancer functioning and able to do the things I still want to do.

I now have another choice to make.

Radiation.

It isn’t to slow disease but is more to try and reduce the size of a tumor to help decrease the pain.

This may be my last summer, my last Christmas, my wedding and my only anniversary, my honeymoon. I’m unsure I want to spend it feeling sick with side effects. Its another big decision that has consequences far and wide.

Although this journey has taken me so so incredibly far away from my life pre cancer I can say I am so immensely thankful to all the people I have meet on this journey. They have shown me that human kindness is not dead. Every single person that I have come in contact with since finding out I had cancer has shaped my life and I will be forever grateful.

The generosity has been outrageous, the genuine care and compassion I have been showed has been spectacular. The love and support has been remarkable.

To every single person I have met in the last two years, thank you for coming into my life, thank you for having a part in it big or small, thank you for supporting me very step of the way. Thank you to the friends I have made, the family I have gained and the health professionals assisting in my journey. Thank you to people who have gone above and beyond to help and make sure I still get to do the things I love in the best way possible.

And the biggest thanks of all.

Cameron.

You have been my rock, you have stood up for me and stood by me like know one else ever has. No matter what you have my back. You support me and all the crazy things I decide are a great idea even if they’re not. Thank you for being proud of me for everything I do and achieve, I have never had that level of support before. You are my biggest cheerleader and I am yours. You celebrate everything I do big or small and always make me feel special and like I can do anything and everything. Most of all you make me feel so loved, no matter what.

 

 

You are my hero.

I love you, forever and for always

Take care,

Until next time

xoxo

Britt

 

Cancer spread- listening to your gut….

For the last few months I have really been struggling with pain. It was crippling at times and I spent a good few weeks barley able to do anything. Even the walk to the hospital was causing pain in my lower abdomen and pelvic region as well as my lower back.

We firstly tried an increase of my Oxicodone, which granted, did help a lot. But it didn’t dull the pain enough and I was having to take up to 100mg of break through Oxinorm. We then tried a few other meds which can help with the way the brain receives pain signals, changing it so the pain isn’t interrupted as intensely.

One of the meds gave me server nightmares and the other made me so drowsy and drugged up I lost days and was unable to function on a basic level. There was a lot of talk about going into hospice to help with getting on top of the pain.

Hospice.

Its the place I think of where people go to die. I feel like its an old persons place. Its definitely something I was extremely afraid of and was trying to avoid like the plague. sometimes the places you never want to be are the places you need to be the most.

During this time I watched a lot of TV and achieved little else.

A CT scan was done, it showed some growth but nothing substantial enough to explain the pain I was experiencing. This pain reach me to my core and made me sick with how bad it got at times.

Another oncology appointment and a bone scan was requested.

During this time alternative treatments were given a go. I started getting oncology massages once a week (thank you to Tess at Body Central for these! One of the only people who will touch me knowing I have cancer!).

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Alongside this I tried a TENs machine from Nurse Maude. It was stuck to either side of the spine and set at a specific frequency. The electrical impulses flood the nervous system reducing its ability to transmit pain signals to the spinal cord and brain. I’m not sure now much this helped me, I also wasn’t very good at using it on a regular basis.

Also I received acupuncture to the ear. It is based on the idea that the ear is a micro system which reflects the entire body, is thought to help pain and other symptoms. I found this quite painful on the ear and actually struggled with that more than anything. I took the needles out after 36hours and couldn’t bring myself to do it again.

Out of these alternative treatments I found massage the most helpful and am now receiving them once a week.

While this was all happening the bone scan came back clear and left me frustrated and confused as to the level of pain I was still experiencing and the lack of evidence to back it up.

Was it all in my head? Did I need a pysch not a scan?!

The last ditch effort to find the cause was an MRI scan.

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I actually had this 2 Fridays ago, 7 weeks after the CT was taken trying to solve this mystery.

I saw my oncologist last Tuesday.

The cancer has spread and progressed more than I ever thought it would have given what the CT had shown 7 weeks prior. It was crazy to see the blue arrows pointing at all the new tumors and growths in the peritoneal lining.

Although I knew from all the reading and research I have done this is now the disease progresses to actually be faced with is a different story. The tumor that had slightly grown in the CT scan showed much greater growth in the MRI and gave obvious cause in the increase in pain. It is pressing against muscles that have nerves running through them that is the reason for the increased pain I have been getting.

I have been urgently referred to a radio therapist where they will decide whether palliative radiotherapy may help reduce the pain.

This is massive. This could mean everyday trips to the hospital for weeks. The side effects are fatigue and depending on the area targeted, diarrhea, nausea and bladder infections.

As I’m coming up to my 1 year anniversary of my terminal diagnosis I’m so unsure what to do. When that’s up I’m half way through the best prognosis (4-24months) they gave me. Do I want to waste another Christmas, and very likely my last Christmas, being ill and tired and sick the whole time? Last year I was on chemo and wasn’t that well either. I’m unsure I want to do that again.

I also have a few other really big things happening in December which I don’t want to be sick from treatment for.

The radio therapist is going to be in for a bit of a grilling before I decide anything that’s for sure!

This blog is about not giving up when you’re gut tells you somethings not right. To not let things slide and to press for answers, whether that means more tests, scans, or a second opinion. You know your body better than anyone else. If you don’t feel right 99% of the time its not in your head and you are right that there is something more going on in your body than whats being shown. Fight for yourself, fight for answers and don’t stop until you feel satisfied.

Take care of you.

Until next time,

xoxo

Britt

 

The ‘Britt Ride’…..

A few months ago I purchased some cycling kit on TradeMe from a lovely lady called Belinda. Little did I know that that purchase would be the start of something amazing!

Turns out Belinda Duffy is the owner of a cycling kit company called Toot Kit (https://www.tootkit.com/). Its a cycling kit brand that offers unique premium apparel that is colorful, bright, and full of life.

Belinda and I spent a lot of time just chatting through Instagram back and forwards, a friendship was formed through the love of cycling and wanting to get people out on bikes and smiling.

A couple of months she came to me and said what about creating a kit…….. doodles and ideas back and forth and ‘The Britt Kit’ was created! I never thought in a million years Id get the opportunity to do something so cool. It was decided $10 of each piece of kit sold was going to go to supporting Bowel Cancer NZ…… I mean really how epic is that?!

So the kit was designed and my visions came to life-  (https://www.tootkit.com/collections/new/products/britt-just-because-womens-pro-x-jersey?variant=19885388464225).

Something this special deserved a special debut…..

And so ‘The Britt Ride’ was born.

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We decided to create a ride that people could purchase a $10 + ‘ticket’ and be part of it all. The money raised was to be donated to Bowel Cancer NZ and we had big goals of raising $3000!

Word got out and people and companies started donating prizes!

We needed a place to end the ride so we could provide coffee (essential for all cyclists) and a place we could use to draw prizes randomly from all the people that participated in the ride and ‘bought’ a ticket.

Joanna Sharpe you little legend offered us this amazing space called Snickel Lane. It is in the city and has a couple of cafes, restaurants and florists. Such a special and unique place. It was amazing looking over it all after the ride jam packed full of people chatting , drinking coffee and enjoying the atmosphere that was created.

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A 28km loop around Aucklands waterfront was created ending at Snickel Lane!

We decided a way to raise more money was by allowing anyone to be able to buy a ticket even if they were unable to attend the ride and were in with a chance to win one of the epic prizes that had been donated. This in the end was worth over $3500.

So it was set! Saturday June 22nd was a thing. The Britt Ride. The launch of the Britt Kit.

I was terrified, would people show up? Would we be able to raise enough money? Would I be able to make it up the hills after only riding on the flat roads of Christchurch?!

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I can proudly say we had over 100 riders show up for the ride and we raised over $4000 for Bowel Cancer NZ, along with raising awareness within a new group of people who are deemed fit and healthy, just like I was.

Its been decided that The Britt Ride will be an annual event and fundraiser. I am so incredibly proud and grateful for this. I means that even though my time will be short I have left behind something that will live on, raising money and awareness while bringing people together to ride bikes, drink coffee, and have a good time.

There are so many people and companies to thank as without them this whole day would have just been an idea and not possible at all.

Obviously Belinda and Robin from Toot Kit, without you both none of this would have ever been a thing or possible at all.

Chapter2 bikes, you helped so much with the set up, provided prizes and the amazing bike I got to ride on the day (https://www.chapter2bikes.com/).

Joanna Sharpe, without you there would have been no Snickel Lane (https://snickellane.co.nz/). The venue was amazing!

Pure Nutrition, not only do you help me out but you provided so many prizes, you are all absolute stars (https://puresportsnutrition.co.nz/).

Evo bikes for providing an epic bike servicing prize……which I wish I’d won (https://www.evolutioncycles.co.nz/)!

MEC for the vouchers and to Emma for creating an awesome loop around Auckland and helping with all the safety stuff (https://mec.co.nz/home).

Wide Open who are amazing. Not only did they provide POC helmets as prizes but they gifted me a beautiful new helmet which was very much in need (https://www.wideopen.co.nz/).

Pure Delish, yummmmmmmmmm. The prize packs you provided were beautiful and super tasty. I went out and bought some of your paleo muesli and it is the best stuff I’ve had in a long time (https://www.puredelish.co.nz/)!

No Ugly Wellness for all the delish drinks to make us sparkle inside and out (https://nougly.nz/).

Verdo Parnell for the gift voucher, next time I’m in Auckland I will have to make an appointment to make my nails pretty again (https://www.verdonails.co.nz/)!

Jaybird sport, wireless headphones are left level! Thank you (https://www.jaybirdsport.com/en-nz/shop.html).

Howick Hairways for your generous gifts and vouchers for both men and women (http://howickhairways.co.nz/).

And Your Zone, the massage pack was brilliant (https://www.yourzone.nz/).

 

Honestly I can’t thank everyone involved enough, from the people and companies that donated prize and the time to the riders who showed up on the day. You all made this such a special day for me and I will be internally grateful to you all.

I never thought that I would ever be part of something so amazing. Thank you to everyone who donated, supported, provided kind words and was and are here for me.

Special thanks to Cameron, I know you put up with a lot and you getting involved with a cycling event even though its not your favorite helped make just a dream a reality. Thank you.

Belinda, we will be friends for life and I can’t thank you enough for the opportunity to creating an idea and following it all the way through until it became real. Your kindness, work and patience has not gone unnoticed. We did it and it was a huge success!

I met so many great people and have made friends for life who I will be able to go on more adventures with before my time is up . All your kindness and love is just beyond words.

Wahoooo.

The ‘Just Because’ Britt Kit and The Britt ride…..ITS A THING

Buy the kit and lock it in your diaries for next year. Its only going to be bigger and better.

Until next time,

Britt

xx

 

Been awhile….

Its been a while that’s for sure!

I’ve been up to a few things as well as been struggling with a few things:

  • I went to Akaroa with a friend of mine Nicole for a weekend. It was so pretty and we had such a good time! Although thinking it was really warm and then having the sun go and we would be absolutely freezing….. you think we would have learnt! Lots of walking and chilling just watching the world go by with the most epic view! They had the light festival on which was really fun and so well run. Very pretty. Lots of brunches and just a good weekend away to see another part of this beautiful country!

 

  • I went zip lining with a friend over Queens birthday weekend. It was epic! The day was beautiful, clear with light winds. Christchurch adventure park as the highest and longest zip lines in New Zealand. It was one of the most epic things I have done. The adrenaline rush was crazy awesome but it wasn’t so scary that you couldn’t enjoy it like throwing yourself of a bridge! Thank you Kirsty for the spur of the moment adventure! This girl is my adventure buddy and we get up to some really fun, cool things that!

 

  • I went to Fiji!!!! I have always wanted to go to the islands and this was a bucket list trip. We went for a week. Everyday was sunshine and warm. We swam, paddle boarded, tanned, chilled, ate and walked. I don’t remember having a holiday in a long time and it was just amazing! The place we stayed was beautiful. We had all the good intentions of going to other islands etc but we just chilled so much we didn’t need to do more than we did. The buffet breakfasts……next level…..the sunsets every night……amazing……getting to go to somewhere so beautiful and to create memories with the boy…..priceless. I would have more to say about the trip but we really did get to just relax and put our feet up. It was a break from reality we needed and a chance to see another part of the world. I loved everything about it.

 

  • Then I hit a hard patch. I look back and yeah I’ve done a lot of things but these things last only a few hours… what about the rest of the time? Its not like I can get a job or do anything that has much of a future to it. When you’re given a short time on this earth sometimes it just feels like there’s so much pressure to do everything NOW! There’s pressure to be doing things all the time, because time isn’t something I have the luxury of. But I get tired. I can’t train like I used too. I try. Everyday I tell myself- tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll get it together and be like I was. But I can’t. My body doesn’t allow that. I have terminal cancer and it will never be the same again. So i sit around and I get anxious, I think to much, I worry, I try and relax and enjoy my downtime but I struggle. I feel like I don’t deserve it. I haven’t done enough to deserve it. It gets tough. I wish for the life I had, the body I recognise, the Britt that once was. Sometimes I wonder what the point of it all is. I try to raise awareness and money for Bowel Cancer but it never feels like I’m doing enough or that I will ever be able to reach the amount of people I would love to reach. I just want my life back. Its a tough pill to swallow and hard to get my head around. But the days come and go. Some better than others but we keep going.

 

  • I haven’t been on chemo for 7 weeks now. There isn’t really anything else they can do for this type of cancer to prolong life so other than getting scans to see were we are at we were told at my last appointment to just go away and live life. Definitely feel like my energy is coming back but so is the constant dull aches and sharp pains in my abdomen day in and day out. We just keep going and keep fighting.

 

This post is a bit random and a bit of everything and a lot of nothing.

My next one is about something very special that was organised and took place and something I am incredibly proud of.

Thanks for reading my mass of random words.

Until next time

Britt

xx