Been awhile….

Its been a while that’s for sure!

I’ve been up to a few things as well as been struggling with a few things:

  • I went to Akaroa with a friend of mine Nicole for a weekend. It was so pretty and we had such a good time! Although thinking it was really warm and then having the sun go and we would be absolutely freezing….. you think we would have learnt! Lots of walking and chilling just watching the world go by with the most epic view! They had the light festival on which was really fun and so well run. Very pretty. Lots of brunches and just a good weekend away to see another part of this beautiful country!

 

  • I went zip lining with a friend over Queens birthday weekend. It was epic! The day was beautiful, clear with light winds. Christchurch adventure park as the highest and longest zip lines in New Zealand. It was one of the most epic things I have done. The adrenaline rush was crazy awesome but it wasn’t so scary that you couldn’t enjoy it like throwing yourself of a bridge! Thank you Kirsty for the spur of the moment adventure! This girl is my adventure buddy and we get up to some really fun, cool things that!

 

  • I went to Fiji!!!! I have always wanted to go to the islands and this was a bucket list trip. We went for a week. Everyday was sunshine and warm. We swam, paddle boarded, tanned, chilled, ate and walked. I don’t remember having a holiday in a long time and it was just amazing! The place we stayed was beautiful. We had all the good intentions of going to other islands etc but we just chilled so much we didn’t need to do more than we did. The buffet breakfasts……next level…..the sunsets every night……amazing……getting to go to somewhere so beautiful and to create memories with the boy…..priceless. I would have more to say about the trip but we really did get to just relax and put our feet up. It was a break from reality we needed and a chance to see another part of the world. I loved everything about it.

 

  • Then I hit a hard patch. I look back and yeah I’ve done a lot of things but these things last only a few hours… what about the rest of the time? Its not like I can get a job or do anything that has much of a future to it. When you’re given a short time on this earth sometimes it just feels like there’s so much pressure to do everything NOW! There’s pressure to be doing things all the time, because time isn’t something I have the luxury of. But I get tired. I can’t train like I used too. I try. Everyday I tell myself- tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll get it together and be like I was. But I can’t. My body doesn’t allow that. I have terminal cancer and it will never be the same again. So i sit around and I get anxious, I think to much, I worry, I try and relax and enjoy my downtime but I struggle. I feel like I don’t deserve it. I haven’t done enough to deserve it. It gets tough. I wish for the life I had, the body I recognise, the Britt that once was. Sometimes I wonder what the point of it all is. I try to raise awareness and money for Bowel Cancer but it never feels like I’m doing enough or that I will ever be able to reach the amount of people I would love to reach. I just want my life back. Its a tough pill to swallow and hard to get my head around. But the days come and go. Some better than others but we keep going.

 

  • I haven’t been on chemo for 7 weeks now. There isn’t really anything else they can do for this type of cancer to prolong life so other than getting scans to see were we are at we were told at my last appointment to just go away and live life. Definitely feel like my energy is coming back but so is the constant dull aches and sharp pains in my abdomen day in and day out. We just keep going and keep fighting.

 

This post is a bit random and a bit of everything and a lot of nothing.

My next one is about something very special that was organised and took place and something I am incredibly proud of.

Thanks for reading my mass of random words.

Until next time

Britt

xx

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